Finding the right place.

Was it Twitter?

Was it Facebook?

Was it Foursquare?

Was it Instagram?

I had no clue where I could just write exactly what I was feeling without having to worry about what the fuck everyone else would think of.

I have reached a point of not knowing what to do.

Where do I stand?

Where do I go?

I dont wanna go.

Why would I want to?

When being here gives me nothing but a big smile plastered on my face.

But then reality sets in.

Im nothing but a sinner.

A failure.

A loser.

I know for a fact, in due time, one fine day,

you will know the contents of my heart and it only spells out one thing.

Time.

Note.

While I was clearing my old satria, I took out a few things I wanted to move to the new NEO.
Then, I saw the miniature jersey of Van Persie. I made sure I brought it with me and had it placed at the same place as it was on the old satria. Housemates here asked me why bro? Persie has left The Gunners, why do you still keep it? And my answer is, its not the exterior of the miniature jersey. Its the content it. That note which says, "I Love you Yang!!" in a heart shape is still there.

And as long as I can keep this, I will.
But hey, life goes on.

Will be off to the island tonight for a pre-end of module-party!

Balance in Life.

There always has to be a balance in life.
Something like a zwitterion which has a positive and negative charge which equals to a zero net charge.

Sad when you know it, Its over!

Its over.

Does distracting yourself work to forget?

1st day of Med School, everything seemed surreal!

EPIC I tell you.

New environment, New beginning and good housemates that clicked instantly on a bus ride back home. We were already making plans to Southern Thailand which is only an hours drive away and weekly clubbing sessions to the island.

I came here ensuring, I want to sustain what I "thought" I had left.

Doing everything that I could to ensure it happens.

And what I wanted happened coz even god knows how much Im trying.

Everything that I planned for is happening as it was supposed to be except for one.

In the day, everything is great.

Boot Camp, Army Style, swimming past midnight and also getting caught by the guards, gangnam'ing on stage, being elected group leader. everything feels so fucking good.

We even got to jump into the lake in the middle of a jungle in Kepala Batas, Penang.

It was as though I was back to living the life at Sunway!

But when I get on the bed at night, there are no more things to distract myself and I think and I think.

And I ask why?

Why is the only one thing I really want not happening?

Distractions never work permanently.

One tweet and I worry like a mad cow.

All it takes is one tweet.

How can I hope to go on without you?
How can I know where you'd have me go?
How can I bear not to dream about you?
Oh, how can I let you go?

I dont know. When I come home, as I unlock my phone, I see this cute baby pic of the gal I  truly love.

Ever since we had our last dinner together in permas, our Ikan Bakar. That lock screen image remains the same from that day till now. Mottu Ram.

Coz baby, I dont know how to let you go.

But all I want to do though its hard is to see you happy.

Uncertainties.

Was woken up today by mom's over excitement at roughly about 8.30am. Mind you this was only after 2 hours of sleep. You see, her excitement all correlates to getting the perfect job after retirement.

Mom's now a proud and happy Associate Finance Director at an upcoming and established hotel in the vicinity of Seri Alam. So anyone who wants or plan to book a room at the resorts hotel do let us know. As I was told, we get good rates.

Pamela Noreen Dickman also known as "The Iron Lady" of her previous workforce is my mom.
Truth be told she's my role-model. Mom has proven that nothing is impossible. Mom told me this sometime back, ever since she was young she dreamt to make it big. Why? It was coz she lived amongst hardship as my rich grand dad was a playa' and left my grandma whom was a housewife alone to care for her 8 kids. She wanted a better life for herself and the family. Right after SPM, she went to work and studied part-time. She slowly climbed up the corporate ladder. She worked to finance her education and to support the family. Today, she is at the pinnacle of her career. Why? Coz she's a woman with willpower and driving force like nobody else.
She fought and she persevered and she came out victorious.
 And today, I want to emulate her feat, maybe not exactly the same but somehow never to give up.

(No matter what it is, it always correlates back to the one. Picture was taken by Esha)

So this is how my day begun, being pulled out of the bed by mom to share the good news together. As I was down in the hall having my cuppa milo, not tea, Mom randomly said something I thought I would never ever live to hear.

"Boy, its time we change your car" (Yes, mom calls me boy, urgh!)

The moment she said this, I paused and asked what car? And mom replied, what car do you want?
The smile that was plastered on my face was something not to be missed.
I told her I have been desperately looking for one ever since college days, roaming the streets with Esha and my peers, hallucinating i'll own one sometime soon. She instantly said, well, we'll get you one.
I was thrilled and excited! Im finally getting a neo.

We got ready and left to town searching for the right NEO! Went to Johor Jaya, Tampoi, Bandar Baru Uda & Larkin Perdana. Saw certain cars I liked but we're only confirming THE ONE today. Maybe thats why I got up at 5am? Adrenaline rush gushing through my spine.

The sudden thought of selling a car came to my mind.

Of all the 3 cars my parents own including our previous Vios, I thought to myself which one holds the most sentimental value? Which one will I never allow my parents to sell?
It was a battle between mom's Corolla Altis and my Proton Satria. CRV is out of the picture since it just came in a few months back and the Vios has already been sold.

The Proton Satria, it has its memories attached to it. No one in my family knows I made a trip up to KL with Raj and Esha. It stopped halfway at KM140 at Pagoh coz it ran out of water. Lol. It stopped in the middle of the North-South Expressway. But, it did make its way up to KL with another two stops in Malacca and Seremban.

A shot also taken with her.

BUT

I came to a conclusion, Its the Corolla Altis. How would I be able to let go of the car which I saw her for the very first time. The car which I had my first conversation with her. The car which I saw how shy she was with me, having butterflies in her stomach. It was in this very car, everything begun. And thats all I have to me now. Sitting in that car, it brings back memories of the good days. The good ol' days. Reality may be my enemy right now, but memories will always linger on.

6.45am.
Cheers.

Never Ending Crush.

She's the one.

I know it coz when I try to distract myself for even a minute I fail miserably.

She's the one I want to say "I do" to on the alter.

Maneesha Gill Kaur, My Cocaine.

I dont know if you're reading this or not.

But Im up at 6.35am thinking of only one thing.

The first time I met you.

Opposite your school parked in front of the second hand car dealer. All groomed up with a bouquet of roses in hand and a teddy bear inside which says "I Love you". And when I saw you approaching the car,I never wanted that moment to end.

 

You barely even looked at me plus you had to go. Thought I was never going to hear from you again. But you texted me back. And from that moment. I knew in my guts that it was a 

Never Ending Crush !!!

Remember how we never wanted to end the calls on each other? We would take about ten minutes deciding who ends the call. And when Im not with you we'd think of 

Kiss Me Through The Phone

Oh yeah, Remember the stroke of midnight for 2011 Valentines?

Took pictures in the middle of the main road in teratak?

I cracked your cover lens? :) And you werent even mad at me.

Remember Avillion PD in 2009 for bro's 14th Bday?

Oh yeah, and remember when we first started going out at night and our chilling out spot was the park, on the slides?

Coffee trap with mom and family? Was too scared to even hold you coz i just met your family. Had to kick you underneath the table ;)

All this, is just one very small fraction of everything Ive shared and done with you.

I say this over and over again.
I love you Esha and I always will.

Beautiful monster.: The Perfect Gentleman - As Promised.

Beautiful monster.: The Perfect Gentleman - As Promised.: "“The perfect man is the man that every girl desires to have. He’s every girls dream, every girl’s fant..."

A blogpost by a special someone to me, Maneesha Gill Kaur d/o Dan Singh.

Am I not a lucky guy having her write this?

On the night of her 18th Birthday @ The Zone